I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
