dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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