eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
