She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize