and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Floor bacon is actually really good
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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