Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
