Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
