K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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