Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
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