I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
