Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
