Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
