i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
