I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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