so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
