Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Damn victory sex feels great
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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