I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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