There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
