he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
