my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
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