There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize