I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize