1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
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