Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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