whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
