So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
