Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
