when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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