i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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