Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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