I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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