why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
This beer is not sobering me up at all
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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