either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
