a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
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