Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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