So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
