ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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