He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
