their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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