Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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