I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I love having hate sex.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
