just come out here and I will go home with you...
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
