to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I think people are normalizing furries
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
