I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
We were destined to go to rehab together
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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