matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
