My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
