I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Michael Bay diarrhea
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Randomize