I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
