There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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