i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
