I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
