Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Randomize
