when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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