Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
