Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
