I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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