I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
