I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
