How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
