I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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