No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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