He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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