i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
